Just J.Faye

Hiking & Other Adventures

No New Bad News

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No new bad news! This is my new health standard.

As I alluded to in this post I went to Mayo for some testing and follow up appointments. The goals were:

  • To make sure the inflammation in my heart didn’t get worse.
  • To make sure nothing else got worse.
  • To make a plan for what to do about my arrhythmias.

How It Went

I had a PET scan, device check, blood tests, EKG, and an echocardiogram, along with appointments with my doctors. Fortunately all of the test results were good, AKA not worse than before! The inflammation in my heart seemed to have gone down, which was one of the primary concerns going into the appointments.

Once this nugget of information was determined (and then celebrated with a trip to Olive Garden with my mom who is a saint for coming with me to all of these appointments) it was time to decide what to do about my arrhythmias.

There were two options:

  • Switch to different medications and hope for the best.
  • Have an ablation and hope for the best.

I am currently on an anti-arrhythmia medication that works really well for me, but it has some pretty serious long-term effects. Since I have already been taking it for 6 months I shouldn’t be on it for much longer. There are other medications options, but they are limited.

I decided to go the surgery route, in hopes to limit the amount of medications I have to take. I had a similar surgery in June 2018, but this one will be a little different since the doctors will access my heart from the inside and outside. This will take place sometime in March. I’ll be taking a half-dose of my current medication for the next few weeks and will then stop completely so that it will be out of my system by the time I’m scheduled to have surgery.

This means that I’m not allowed to do anything more physical than short, easy walks and workouts (pilates, barre, etc.).

Unfortunately, there is no guarantee that I’ll never have arrhythmias again or that I’ll be 100% ok now until forever. I was hoping that I would get that peace of mind, but I won’t. That’s the toughest part about this whole thing.

On Hope

I don’t know why, but any time I walk into a doctor’s office my first instinct is to cry. One of my doctors was telling me all good news and all I could do was slowly nod my head and hold back tears. This could be because I have PTSD from previous doctor visits or that I’m doing everything I can to suppress any emotion that my body just gives up and opens up the flood gates, but really I think it’s because I’m scared to be too hopeful.

Hope is a very powerful thing and can help you get through anything. Hope can lead to positivity and that positivity can give you the strength to overcome what you are facing.

The only thing I have control of is how I feel. I can’t change anything about what my heart is or isn’t doing, but I can change my attitude. I can feel grateful for literally everything else in my life instead of crying over things I cannot change.

It’ll be hard. I have had high hopes in the past and have been absolutely crushed when things did not go as planned. This is why I’m terrified of being too hopeful. It can hurt so incredibly much.

I’m not giving up on any future dreams, but I am treading cautiously. I am going to work every day to be grateful and appreciate what I have. I hope that at some point in my life I can look back on everything that has happened and be thankful for how I grew and what I learned.

I bought this necklace to have a daily hope reminder.

Here’s the product description: “It’s okay to feel scared. It’s okay to feel lost. It’s okay to struggle. It’s okay to fail. It’s okay to be going through something difficult. It’s okay. You are okay. Do not give up. Do not stop hoping. Do not stop believing. You are on your way to change, to growth, to the other side of this. I know you can’t pretend that this isn’t hard. But hope isn’t about pretending that dark times don’t exist, it’s about believing that darkness will not last forever. It’s trusting that your heart will heal. It’s choosing possibility over unfeasibility. So please just ditch logic, ditch the odds, and hold onto hope. A single drop of hope can be a very powerful thing – the universe loves a persistent heart.”

Perfect, right? I am okay. I will not stop hoping.

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On Being Grateful

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Happy Thanksgiving Week!!

Also, hi. It’s been a minute since I’ve written on here, so before diving into gratefulness, here’s a quick life update…

Life Update

This summer was really, really hard. To tell you the truth, it was one of the most difficult periods of my life. Yes, more difficult than working through the initial heart problems and surgeries. Not only did my heart problems come back, they forced me to let go of pursuing my dream about hiking the PCT. Going through all that stuff is difficult enough the first time around, but to think I was completely healthy and then have it happen all over again? It was devastating. To make things more difficult, I wasn’t able to have my surgery in May, because they found too much inflammation in my heart muscle/lining. They put me on a bunch of meds and told me to come back in 6 months (in nicer words, of course).

My saving grace was that Michael proposed right before he left for the PCT. This was a huge surprise and made me ridiculously happy, a complete 180-degree turn from how I had been feeling the previous few days. Wedding planning was a much needed distraction this summer. Also, every time I looked down at my ring I was reminded of our commitment to each other and the fact that we will spending the rest of our lives together.

Side note: I do not regret pushing him hike the PCT without me. It was difficult for both of us, but it was the right thing to have happened. He posted on Instagram regularly and I loved seeing the trail through his eyes.

Our first reunion in Tahoe, two months into Michael’s hike.

One fun tidbit is that I got a new job with Altra Running in Operations. Altra is a part of VF Corporation, who just moved their headquarters to Denver. Altra is a disruptive brand in the running industry, with their balanced cushioning (zero drop) and foot-shaped shoe. Who knew that’d be so ground-breaking?! For all of my runner friends out there – please try them!

The job has been very interesting and rewarding and I’m lucky to work with such a great team. Also the perks aren’t bad – deep discounts on all VF brands like The North Face, Smartwool, Eagle Creek, Van’s, etc.

The transition to fall was a good one A) because of the cooler weather and B) because Michael was home. I just love him so much! We were able to sneak away for a quick backpacking weekend in the Mount Zirkel Wilderness area, a trip that I may write about at some point.

First (and only) backpacking trip this year.

I’ll be going back to Mayo in December for another round of tests – PET scan, MRI, exercise test, echocardiogram, EKG, blood tests, etc. Hopefully all of the results will be positive, so that I can get my ablation. Hopefully the ablation will help put these problems being me for good. Send good vibes, please!

With all that said, let’s now talk about being grateful.

Being Grateful

There are certainly a few things in my life that make me upset. Fortunately, I have soooooo many more things to feel grateful for. Yet, sometimes, I prefer to dwell on the bad things rather than thinking about the good. Do you do that?

Why do we do that?!

There were times this summer that I just wouldn’t let myself be happy or have fun. I felt that if I was happy it meant that what happened to me was ok or that it didn’t matter. Let me tell you, it mattered. It mattered a lot and I cried about it more than I care to admit.

Alpenglow in the Mount Zirkel Wilderness.

Then there were times when I forgot about forcing myself to be upset and what do you know… I had a good time.

I was able to see Michael twice throughout the summer. I went to my best friend’s bachelorette in San Luis Obispo and her wedding in Seattle. I went camping with friends. I had a sister weekend in the Black Hills. I celebrated my niece’s first birthday and the Fourth of July with my family at our cabin. I was able to be with my family when my grandpa passed away.

A sister trip at Under Canvas Mt Rushmore – yes, we got matching rings.

Turns out my summer wasn’t as bad as I let myself believe it was.

It’s much harder to make yourself feel grateful than it is to let yourself feel sad. Feeling grateful is a learned skill, like playing sports or a musical instrument – the more you practice, the better you are. Lately, I have not been practicing gratitude as often as I should, but this time of year always reminds me of all the positive things I have in my life.

10 Things I’m Grateful For

  1. My fiance. I love him.
  2. My family. My parents, siblings, sisters- and brothers-in-law (current and soon-to-be), niece, and nephew are all spectacular human beings.
  3. My friends. Adult friendships can be tricky to maintain and I’m so lucky to have such a solid group of friends, both near and far.
  4. My job. It’s both challenging and fun and there is room for me to develop.
  5. My health. Obviously I have some health issues, but aside from heart problems I am completely healthy. Things could be much, much worse.
  6. My doctors. I have a team of three brilliants female doctors. They are amazing and I trust them completely with my care.
  7. Workouts. I can’t do much right now, but I am thankful I can at least do a little bit.
  8. Books. With a train commute I have been reading so many books on the Libby app. Favorites in the last few weeks: The Great Believers, Pachinko, and City of Girls.
  9. Baking. I haven’t been baking as much as I’d like to and now that it’s baking season I am so motivated and so ready. I can’t wait to whip up some pies for Thanksgiving this week.
  10. Travel. I have been on a lot of fun trips recently (the last two: Montreal and New Orleans) and have more planned in the near future. I’m grateful to be able to getaway with friends and explore a new cities.

There are also so many small things throughout the day that make me grateful – a hot cup of morning coffee, hitting the train at just the right time, a flawless Excel spreadsheet, discovering a delicious new recipe, a Snapchat of my niece or nephew, game nights with friends, etc..

A walk on the beach in Morro Bay.

When I think of these things I’m reminded that I actually have a very comfortable and beautiful life. Then I feel like a jerk for even complaining and being ungrateful in the first place! Sure, some bad things have happened to me, but I have wonderful friends and family to support me through it all. Given the choice, I would take all of them over a perfectly working heart.

What are you grateful for?

Happy Thanksgiving!

With all of that said, I hope you have a very happy Thanksgiving. I hope you are able to spend the day with people you love and indulge in some delicious food and wine. I hope that you feel especially thankful for every single good thing in your life! Let’s all do a better job at practicing gratitude.

Me, being grateful.
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Thursday Things 05.30.19 + Update

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In case you are curious as to what I’ve been up to since posting this post about my heart issues returning and my PCT dreams being crushed, I’ll give you an update.

Mayo Visits

I was in Minnesota last week so that I could go to Mayo. When I flew out I still wasn’t 100% sure if I’d actually being able to go to Mayo or not, because I found out a few weeks earlier that Mayo was not in network for my new insurance. This was a huge punch to the gut and did not do well for my already erratic emotional state. I don’t think I have ever been so stressed and frustrated as I have been the last few weeks dealing with insurance. After multiple painful phone calls between the Mayo Business Office, my doctors, and Cigna it finally got approved for me to go, because my doctor did a peer-to-peer review.

I was at Mayo on the 16th and 17th for various tests and appointments – CT scan, MRI, EKG, blood work, etc. – and had my cardiac ablation scheduled for the 20th.

My doctor called me on Saturday afternoon and told me that my MRI showed more scarring on my heart than it did before. She was concerned that I could have some issues with myocarditis and wanted me to do a few more tests and to meet with a specialist before doing another ablation.

It was clearly not what I wanted to hear and I broke down crying for about the 78th time this month.

Fortunately, my parents, siblings, niece, nephew, grandma, and grandpa were all home, so it was a wonderful distraction. I did some wedding dress shopping with the girls, walked aimlessly around Target with my sister, played with my niece and nephew, went to the Hutchinson brewery with the fam, celebrated my younger brother’s birthday, and had brunch with some of my high school girlfriends. It was the best weekend I could have hoped for.

Family visit to the brewery (minus mom and the kiddos)

I was scheduled to go back to Mayo on the 21st and 22nd for additional testing – blood work, an echocardiogram, and a PET scan. Because these tests were not included in the original request with Cigna I had to go through the insurance process all over again. I cannot even begin to describe how awful this experience was. The Mayo Business Office was calling Cigna on my behalf and heard from multiple people that it would “just be another 1-2 hours.” Then when calling back Cigna would say “you’ll find out in 72 hours.” I spent about 6 hours on the phone with Cigna and the Business Office. I think I was in tears 75% of the time during those calls. To make this worse I had to fast for the tests that I was waiting on approval for. I was tired, hungry, dehydrated, and cranky. It was the most disorganized thing I’ve ever been apart of.

A major shout out to the Mayo Business Office! I can’t imagine having to deal with that type of stuff every day. They really fought for me. In the end it finally got approved, because my doctor, once again, did a peer-to-peer review. Another shout out to my mom who had to deal with me while I cried and yelled at Cigna while fasting.

My mom and I hanging out at Mayo during the good ole days when I thought I’d still be getting an ablation

Because this process took longer than it should have I missed out on my blood work and echo, which turned out to not be a big deal. The PET scan was the most important test.

I was really worried that my testing would show that my heart was basically one giant piece of scar tissue and that I would need a heart transplant. I guess I’m just going to start preparing for the worse so that everything they tell me will be better than I expected? I received enough blows the last few weeks (years, even!) and I’m getting to the point where I can’t handle too many more.

Fortunately, my tests results didn’t come back with anything like that. I do have additional scarring and I also have some inflammation at the tip of my heart. The results weren’t really anything conclusive – it looks like I have myopericarditis? – but they also weren’t anything devastating.

Next Steps

My team of three amazing female doctors (side note: how great is it that I have a team of three female doctors?!) talked over my options. I still have inflammation at the tip of my heart, so it’s not safe for me to do an ablation yet as it would further irritate the heart muscle and could cause even more scarring. I’ll be going on an anti-arrhythmia medication (the same one I was on last spring) and two anti-inflammatory medications. In 6 months I’ll go back to Mayo for another PET scan and MRI to see how the scarring and inflammation have changed. If the inflammation has decreased my doctors and I can start talking about pursuing an ablation.

Until the anti-arrhythmia meds fully load into my system I have to stay away from rigorous exercise. In about 4 weeks I’ll do a stress test here in Denver to make sure that I can exercise properly. If I go into VT then I will have to go on an additional medication and continue to hold off on exercise.

Emotional & Physical State

I’ve pretty much been all over the place emotionally. One minute I’m laughing and the next minute I’m crying myself to sleep. It has not been easy. I try to be positive, but I can’t pretend to be happy about this situation. I shouldn’t be in this situation. I am frustrated and I am angry. Yes, I am grateful that my VT didn’t start up again while I was already on trail, but why couldn’t have started 6 months ago instead or, better yet, not at all? This large piece of my life was just taken away from me. The PCT wasn’t just a “trip” that got cancelled, it was something that I worked towards for years. I trained. I researched and bought gear. I put my career on hold. I made the timing of a 5-month hike fit in my life. I don’t know if I’ll have that opportunity again. Now I’m left with watching other people’s PCT experiences on Instagram while I walk three slow, flat, not-so-scenic miles around the neighborhood.

People tell me that I’m strong, but am I? I’m getting through this because I have to. I don’t really have a choice. I’d gladly be considered as “weak” and have a normal functioning heart.

I wish I was handling everything with a little more grace.

Fortunately, I feel fine physically. I am not supposed to do any rigorous exercise, so I’ve just been doing slow 3- or 4-mile walks and pilates videos (which I enjoy more than I anticipated). Getting outside has helped my attitude tremendously. The sun and fresh air are very healing.

Highlights

I sound really complain-y in the previous few paragraphs – can you blame me? – but not everything awful.

A huge highlight was Michael asking me to marry him. He calls and/or texts me everyday from trail and it always always brightens my day. The fact that he is out there hiking for both of us (along with flat Jenna) truly warms my heart. This situation is just as hard on him as it is on me. It doesn’t help that the PCT is crazy this year. It’s been snowing and raining in the desert and the Sierras are still buried in feet of snow!

If you don’t follow him on Instagram, you should – @grizzly_hikes. His pictures are stunning.

Flat Jenna & Michael at the Mexico border getting ready to start the PCT

Wedding planning has been a fun distraction. I am really excited about my plan so far (as is Michael). Also, looking at wedding dresses online is my new go-to activity for when I’m bored.

A couple of other bonuses are that I got my part-time jobs back and that the person who is sub-leasing the house from Michael and I is one of my best friends, so now we just get to be roommates (again) for the summer. Shout-out to Katie!

I’ll also get to see my family more this summer, which makes me so happy.

Thursday Things

Not a big fan of geese and unclear why this statue exists

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My PCT Dreams and Why I’m No Longer Hiking

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I planned to start hiking the PCT on April 18 (my birthday), but now those PCT dreams are over.

no longer hiking the PCT 1

*I originally posted this on The Trek here

PCT Dreams

I’ve spent a lot of the last two years dreaming about the PCT. I began counting down to this endeavor when I secured my PCT permit in November. First by the months, then by the weeks, and then, as my flight to San Diego was quickly approaching, by the days.

My start date was getting so close. I started imagining myself on trail and could very clearly envision myself dirty and windblown from the desert with feet that ache from 20+ mile days. I could see myself laughing with new trail friends and a giant smile on my face as I curled up in my sleeping bag saying goodnight to Michael every night in our little tent.

Unfortunately, these dreams faded away one day before flying out to San Diego and three days before starting the trail.

Heart History

To back up a bit, I have a history with heart problems. I went into cardiac arrest in August 2017 and received an internal defibrillator (ICD) later that month. In September 2017 I had open heart surgery where they “unroofed” a part of my heart muscle that was covering my LAD artery and causing blood flow blockages. I went to cardiac rehab for a few weeks and graduated with flying colors. A few months later in December I found out that I had a blood clot and therefore had to delay my final heart procedure, a cardiac ablation, which would help get rid of my arrhythmias. I was put on blood thinners and anti-arrhythmic medications. During this time, I could do light exercise as long as I kept my heart rate under 140 beats per minute, but my doctors advised me to cancel my PCT 2018 plans. I was devastated. In May 2018 I found out that the blood clot was gone, so I went back to the hospital four weeks later for a cardiac ablation. I waited another four weeks to do a treadmill stress test, just to make sure everything looked good. By July 2018 my doctors told me I was good to go.

Since then I’ve worked on building back up my cardio endurance and strength. I occasionally went through bouts of nervousness and/or anxiety during hikes, runs, and tough workouts, worrying that something bad with my heart was going to happen. However, all these little spells were just my mind playing tricks on me. I’ve been receiving a download of my ICD activity every three months and for the last year everything has looked totally fine and normal. There was the occasional string of quick beats during exercise, but nothing that my ICD had to kick in and pace me out of and nothing worrisome to my doctors. I felt stronger and more confident every week.

My heart was fixed and I was ready to pursue my PCT dreams.

no longer hiking the PCT 2
Feeling on top of the world after my first post-heart surgery hike.

The PCT: One Week Out

The week leading up to leaving for the PCT I was recovering from being sick. I had a fever along with chest and shoulder pain whenever I inhaled. You don’t realize how much you breathe until it hurts! I saw my primary care doctor and, based on my symptoms, she figured I had pericarditis, which is inflammation of the lining of the heart. She did some blood tests, advised me to take ibuprofen to help with the inflammation, and scheduled an appointment for me to see a cardiologist to ensure everything my heart looked OK before starting the PCT.

The ibuprofen worked and I was back to normal. I was going to cancel my cardiologist visit for the upcoming Friday, but after a call from my PCP telling me that my blood test showed elevated troponin (a group of proteins that are released into the blood when damage is being done to the heart) canceling was no longer an option.

I went to the cardiology appointment last Friday. The appointment went well and my cardiologist didn’t seem worried. Just to be sure, he scheduled an echo to make sure there was no fluid around my heart and a treadmill stress test to make sure there were no blockages in my heart for Monday, the day before flying out to San Diego. Yes, the timing was impeccable. Although the appointment went well I had a bad feeling. I started tearing up as a I left the hospital and spent a few minutes crying in my car before driving home.

After I got some tears and frustration out of my system I started to feel more positive about these tests going fine. My heart has been working great for a year and, trust me, I tested it—intense HIIT workouts, 20-mile days while backpacking, five-mile runs. How could it all of a sudden not be working properly?

I should be fine.

The PCT: Three Days Out

I posted my gear list and my bags were packed. Was I jinxing myself by being so prepared and so excited? I was less than 24 hours from flying to San Diego.

I walked into the appointment feigning confidence. The echo was quick and there was no fluid around my heart. Success! I just had to make it through a few minutes on the treadmill.

I started walking on the treadmill thinking, “I got this. I am strong and I got this.” I needed to get my heart rate up to 160 bpm and was sitting at 135 bpm after ten minutes of speed walking at an incline. The cardiologist just finished exclaiming how in shape I was when I started feeling lightheaded and my heart rate spiked to 200 bpm.

I went into ventricular tachycardia (VT) and my PCT dreams were over.

The PCT: No More

I left the hospital that day with a sliver of hope that I could go back on anti-arrhythmic medication again and delay my PCT start by a week or two. However, after a conversation with an electrophysiologist and emails with my doctors at the Mayo Clinic, the consensus was that I needed another cardiac ablation and that I should cancel my PCT plans for this summer.

I have felt this type of devastation before—learning you need open heart surgery is no treat—but this was a little different. I already worked through my heart problems. I dealt with the recovery and overcame the fear of going into cardiac arrest again. My heart was totally fine. Now, out of the blue, it is not. No one can tell me why or how this happened.

Instead of flying to California to start the experience of a lifetime I’ll soon be flying to Minnesota to get a cardiac ablation at the Mayo Clinic.

I am grateful that these issues started now rather than after I began hiking, but this doesn’t necessarily lessen the pain I feel. They shouldn’t have started happening at all. I’m back to the point where I to go on a half-mile walk around the block and spend the whole time scared that I’ll go into VT and that my defibrillator will pace me. I know this sounds dramatic.

If you’re feeling generous I would appreciate any prayers and good vibes you can send my way hoping that this next procedure goes well.

The Bright Side?

Maybe I’ll learn something from this experience. Maybe I’ll find the silver lining. Maybe I’ll plan a PCT 2020 thru-hike. Maybe there is a bright side. Maybe. But right now I tear up every time I think about the PCT. My PCT plans have been thwarted twice by my heart issues and I’m not sure I can go through this disappointment again.

We’ll see.

One great note is that Michael will still be hiking the PCT. He doesn’t have much of a choice in the matter; I am making him do it. At least one of us should go enjoy the trail, right? He’s been such a pillar of support for me through this whole mess. It hurts both of us, because we dreamed of doing this together, but I am excited for him and I’ll cheer him on (despite missing him desperately) along with all the other 2019 PCT thru-hikers. Hopefully, we’ll be able to hike the Colorado Trail together in September like we planned.

A Note to PCT Thru-Hikers

Savor every moment out on the trail. Be thankful that you are out there. Please. You are so lucky.

no longer hiking the PCT 3
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I Passed My Stress Test!

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I passed my stress test!

exercise stress test

As I mentioned in my cardiac ablation recap I had to schedule an exercise stress test to make sure everything with the procedure went well.

After the cardiac ablation I was doing some exercise, but nothing too strenuous – easy hikes (like the ones in Yellowstone!) and biking, elliptical, and/or rowing at the gym. Everything felt normal and I never experienced any ventricular tachycardia (VT) symptoms or any pacing from my ICD.

I took that as a good sign that everything would go well with my stress test. Shortly after my heart surgery I could feel VT issues doing something as simple as washing dishes, so knowing that I could successfully do 2 miles of rowing without passing out made me feel very hopeful!

On Tuesday Michael and I headed to Lutheran Medical for the stress test. I was feeling pretty positive, but was still very nervous! There was a lot riding on my performance!

I walked up to the desk to check in at 8:15 and they said that I may have to re-schedule my appointment, because it was supposed to start 15 minutes ago. Excuse me?!? I said that someone had called to tell me my appointment got rescheduled from 7:45 to 8:30. Well apparently it got rescheduled, again, to 8:00 and no one told me. Luckily, since the mix up wasn’t my fault they fit me in for the test.

This made me a little aggravated. Then once I was in the stress test room with the treadmill I was starting to get pretty frustrated. It just didn’t seem like my understanding of why I needed to do the stress test, as communicated by Mayo, aligned with what Lutheran was telling me. The joys of working with multiple doctors and multiple hospitals.

Once the technician left the room to do something before starting the test I began crying. Because that’s what I do. Fortunately, Michael was in the room with me and helped calm me down.

Shortly afterwards it was time for the test! I was hooked up to an EKG monitor that was closely being watched by the technician. I started walking on the treadmill at a slow pace, at a slight incline. Every 3 minutes both the pace and the incline increased. There was someone there to take my blood pressure in the middle of each stage. They told me to keep going until I couldn’t handle it anymore and to stop if I felt light-headed or dizzy.

Easier said than done! I tried to keep my brain calm and to just focus on walking, rather than all the horrible outcomes that could happen. The technician kept telling me I was doing great and that everything was looking good on the EKG, which helped keep me at ease. Eventually I was jogging at 5 mph at an 18 incline. I did this for 3 whole minutes! It’s the most I’ve run all year. I went up to the next level (5.5 mph at 20 incline) for about a minute before I told them to stop.

My heart rate got up to 171 bpm and nothing happened! I felt totally fine, despite being quite winded. The technician told me I was in “excellent shape” compared to other females in my age group. In reality I know that I am totally out of shape, but it was still nice to hear.

I was (and still kind of am) in shock. For the last 18 months it’s been one test to the next to a surgery to another test and so on and so forth. There was always something else I was waiting on. Some other hurdle I needed to get through. But not now! I saw my doctor for a few minutes after the test and he said that I was ok and that I could go back to exercising, slowly increasing the time and the intensity. I emailed my cardiologist at Mayo about the results and she said that I could have my life back. It was exactly what I needed to hear!

Michael and I were both so happy celebrated with brunch at Wendell’s.

Yesterday we went for a run. A run! Not just a “jog slowly 1 minute, walk 1 minute” run either. We did a lap around Sloan’s Lake, which is 2.5 miles. I did slowly jog and I did walk, but I did way more jogging than walking! It felt great. I got sweaty and winded and I wasn’t manically keeping track of my heart rate.

I want to thank you all for following along on this journey with me. For rooting for me and sending me positive messages. Your thoughts and prayers and good vibes were all needed and I appreciate them all so much!! I am so lucky to have the best family, boyfriend, friends, and support system.

Now Michael and I can start our summer adventure with a clear piece of mind! We head to my family reunion in Grand Lake today and then we set off for Montana on Monday!

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Cardiac Ablation

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I had a cardiac ablation at Mayo Clinic two weeks ago, so I’m here with another heart update.

cardiac ablation

Some Background

As you may recall from my original heart update post, once I realized that there was something seriously wrong with my heart, my doctor and I put together a plan of action:

  1. Put in an Implantable Cardioverter Defibrillator (ICD)
  2. Have open heart unroofing surgery
  3. Get a cardiac ablation

After all those are done I should be, for the most part, “fixed”.

I had the ICD surgery on August 21 and felt pretty good post-surgery. Then I had the open heart surgery on September 18. I still get emotional reading this post about the experience.

It was 2 down, 1 to go!

I went back to Mayo in December to get the cardiac ablation done. Unfortunately, I found out that I had a blood clot and instead of getting the cardiac ablation I was hospitalized with anti-arrhythmia meds. I didn’t post anything specific about this experience (except a little bit towards the end of this post). I won’t lie, it was a pretty low point for me. I thought I’d be done with all this heart stuff and then found out that I had to wait another 6 months before moving forward. Very devastating.

Fortunately, when I went back to Mayo in May I found out that my blood clot was gone and scheduled the ablation for June 13. It was the happiest news! I was so excited to get the ablation on the calendar.

Pre-Cardiac Ablation

I had to stop taking my anti-arrhythmia meds 3 weeks before the cardiac ablation. This was to make sure that all of the drugs were out of my system prior to the procedure. Obviously, if I’m on anti-arrhythmia meds it would be difficult to get my heart into the VT rhythm that they needed to see in order to ablate.

I was nervous the entire time I was off the medication. I took it real easy and limited myself to 2-mile walks, slow biking, and light strength training. As always, it was more of a mental challenge than anything (story of my life).

My mom had been visiting me in Denver to help me send off Michael on the Colorado Trail and celebrate her birthday. The timing worked out well and we were able to fly back to Minnesota together on June 11.

The day before the cardiac ablation I had to go to Mayo for a few tests – x-ray, blood work, EKG, and device download – and a meeting with my doctor. During the meeting Dr. M walked me through the procedure and all the risks. Scary stuff! But I tried to focus on the good, AKA getting cardiac ablation.

I had to be at the hospital at 5:30am the next morning, so my mom and I had a low key night. It shouldn’t surprise you that the Hallmark Channel was involved.

cardiac ablation

Cardiac Ablation

For those of you that have no idea what a cardiac ablation is – because why would you? – here is the description from Mayo:

“Cardiac ablation is a procedure that can correct heart rhythm problems (arrhythmias).

Cardiac ablation works by scarring or destroying tissue in your heart that triggers or sustains an abnormal heart rhythm. In some cases, cardiac ablation prevents abnormal electrical signals from entering your heart and, thus, stops the arrhythmia.

Cardiac ablation usually uses long, flexible tubes (catheters) inserted through a vein or artery in your groin and threaded to your heart to deliver energy in the form of heat or extreme cold to modify the tissues in your heart that cause an arrhythmia.”

Sounds lovely, doesn’t it?

We got to the hospital at 5:30am, but I didn’t get down to the Operating Room until about 8:00am. There was a lot of “sit and wait” time. Fortunately, I got to hang out with my mom for the most of it, but then she was on her own to spend the next 7ish hours hanging out in the waiting room and walking around the hospital until I was out of surgery.

Once I was in the OR the team started setting up for the surgery. They were so friendly and chatty, which kept me at ease. After about 10 minutes they started the anesthesia and next thing I know I’m back in the prep room where I was prior to going into the OR. My anesthesiologist was there and gave me a quick update on how things went. I think. I don’t actually remember what we talked about, since I was still pretty out of it. I just remember that my eyes were super watery – because I always cry after coming out of anesthesia – so he gave me some paper towels to dry them off. I was in and out of sleep for a little bit after that, but then forced myself to stay awake because I knew that once I was awake they would bring me to my hospital room and I would be able to see my mom.

I’m thinking that I got up to my hospital room at around 3:00pm. My mom was there and it was so good to see her! I was so hungry and so thirsty, but felt pretty good overall considering the circumstances. She told me about her day around the hospital and then went to get me a smoothie while I rested a little bit.

My nurses came in to check on me regularly. They were waiting for my blood to thicken up a little bit, so that they could pull the catheters out.

Once they go the go ahead, two nurses came in and gave me some Fentanyl. I guess this was going to be pretty painful! On the left side of my groin I had three catheters that went up through veins and on the right side I had three through veins and one that went up my artery. They started with the left side. A nurse pulled out the catheters and then then leaned into my leg where the catheters were with his entire body weight until bleeding stopped. I can see why they gave me the Fentanyl. Then they did the right side. Since one of the catheters went up through an artery the process took much longer. I think this nurse was pushing down (very hard!) on my leg for about 40 minutes while I drifted in and out of sleep.

After the catheters were out I had to stay completely flat for 2 hours. Then I was able to sit up a little bit for another 2 hours and then at 11:00pm I could stand up and move around. As you can imagine, my hips were super sore, but walking felt very nice after laying in hospital bed for 16 hours.

I stayed in the hospital one night. I didn’t sleep much, because they didn’t really let me. I went to bed too late and then they woke me up every couple hours for various things – blood work, vitals, meds, etc). I felt ok the next day, but was just kind of blah and restless from sitting in my hospital room all day. We were able to leave the hospital that afternoon. I took a long nap as soon as we got back. Necessary. I felt kind of weak and nauseous for the next day or two, but it was still nothing compared to the recovery after open heart surgery!

cardiac ablation

Cardiac Ablation Outcome

Dr. M came to visit me about an hour after I got to my hospital room to go over how the cardiac ablation went. My mom had already given me the updates that she received throughout the procedure, so I kind of knew what to expect and knew that I wasn’t going to like what she was about to say.

Dr. M said that they weren’t able to get my heart to go into the Ventricular Tachycardia (VT) rhythm, which is the one that they were trying to get rid of through this procedure. She said they tried everything they could, but my heart wasn’t following the plan (what else is new). So they went to Plan B, which was to map the VT based on the EKG from when I went into cardiac arrest last August and ablate around the scar tissue at the tip of my heart.

Because of this it’s hard to know if the ablation was successful or not.

My reaction: severe disappointment.

The reason my heart didn’t go into VT was one of two reasons:

  1. My heart is better
  2. I still had anti-arrhythmia medication in my system, despite not taking it for 3 weeks.

It’d be great to say that #1 was the reason, but realistically it was #2.

Next Steps

I will get a stress test done here in Denver in a couple of weeks, where I’ll be on a treadmill connected to a heart monitor. I’ll start by walking and then they will slowly increase the speed and incline of the treadmill while doctors watch how my heart reacts.

I’ll give it all I got and one of two things will happen:

  1. Go into VT
  2. Nothing

Hopefully nothing happens and then I’ll know that the cardiac ablation was successful and that I can move on with my life. However, there is a chance that I will go into VT, which is absolutely terrifying. I’m still working with my doctors to plan what the next steps would be if I do go into VT. I will probably have to get another ablation done either right away or a few months later. We shall see.

cardiac ablation

How I’m Doing Now

It’s been about two weeks since the surgery. I still have giant bruises around my groin. These have been the largest, nastiest bruises I’ve ever had in my life. They started at about the size of a salad plate and were a mix of yellow, blue, and purple, but are getting smaller and less disgusting every day.

I also had a lot of soreness in my chest and upper body. It’s slowly going away, but for a while I was really nervous that something was wrong (like fluid in my heart), because it hurt every time I took a deep breath. I think I’m better now, but if it doesn’t go away completely I’m going to go in for an echo later this week.

Emotionally, I’m in pretty rough shape. I cry a lot. I cried when I said goodbye to my parents. I cried my way through the airport. I cried as I wrote this post. I cried while I was on the phone with the hospital setting up my stress test appointment. It’s a little much and I feel over dramatic, but I think it’s out of my system now. I hope it’s out of my system.

I was expecting that this cardiac ablation would be the end of this mess. That I would be done. That I would be “fixed”. I could be! And that would be great, but unfortunately at this point I still don’t know.

I’m constantly scared and paranoid that I’m going to go into VT. It’s difficult to explain and probably sounds silly. I try to be brave and I try to be strong, but it’s hard. It’s really, really hard.

I’m also really trying to be positive and trust that everything will end well, but this is starting to wear me down a bit, so it’s more difficult to remain optimistic. I try not to think about it too much. Except that I am writing all about it now, so I’m forced to think about it.

And now I feel like a jerk for complaining, because despite all of this mess I am quite lucky. I have family, friends, and a boyfriend that love and support me and I know that my situation could be so much worse than it is. I do feel grateful for this amazing life I’ve been given. I swear I do. Sometimes days are just a little more trying than others. All it takes is a little shift in perspective, along with writing out all my feelings, to get out of a funk. I feel much better now.

Thank you for the love and support xoxo

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