On Being Grateful

Happy Thanksgiving Week!!

Also, hi. It’s been a minute since I’ve written on here, so before diving into gratefulness, here’s a quick life update…

Life Update

This summer was really, really hard. To tell you the truth, it was one of the most difficult periods of my life. Yes, more difficult than working through the initial heart problems and surgeries. Not only did my heart problems come back, they forced me to let go of pursuing my dream about hiking the PCT. Going through all that stuff is difficult enough the first time around, but to think I was completely healthy and then have it happen all over again? It was devastating. To make things more difficult, I wasn’t able to have my surgery in May, because they found too much inflammation in my heart muscle/lining. They put me on a bunch of meds and told me to come back in 6 months (in nicer words, of course).

My saving grace was that Michael proposed right before he left for the PCT. This was a huge surprise and made me ridiculously happy, a complete 180-degree turn from how I had been feeling the previous few days. Wedding planning was a much needed distraction this summer. Also, every time I looked down at my ring I was reminded of our commitment to each other and the fact that we will spending the rest of our lives together.

Side note: I do not regret pushing him hike the PCT without me. It was difficult for both of us, but it was the right thing to have happened. He posted on Instagram regularly and I loved seeing the trail through his eyes.

One fun tidbit is that I got a new job with Altra Running in Operations. Altra is a part of VF Corporation, who just moved their headquarters to Denver. Altra is a disruptive brand in the running industry, with their balanced cushioning (zero drop) and foot-shaped shoe. Who knew that’d be so ground-breaking?! For all of my runner friends out there – please try them!

The job has been very interesting and rewarding and I’m lucky to work with such a great team. Also the perks aren’t bad – deep discounts on all VF brands like The North Face, Smartwool, Eagle Creek, Van’s, etc.

The transition to fall was a good one A) because of the cooler weather and B) because Michael was home. I just love him so much! We were able to sneak away for a quick backpacking weekend in the Mount Zirkel Wilderness area, a trip that I may write about at some point.

I’ll be going back to Mayo in December for another round of tests – PET scan, MRI, exercise test, echocardiogram, EKG, blood tests, etc. Hopefully all of the results will be positive, so that I can get my ablation. Hopefully the ablation will help put these problems being me for good. Send good vibes, please!

With all that said, let’s now talk about being grateful.

Being Grateful

There are certainly a few things in my life that make me upset. Fortunately, I have soooooo many more things to feel grateful for. Yet, sometimes, I prefer to dwell on the bad things rather than thinking about the good. Do you do that?

Why do we do that?!

There were times this summer that I just wouldn’t let myself be happy or have fun. I felt that if I was happy it meant that what happened to me was ok or that it didn’t matter. Let me tell you, it mattered. It mattered a lot and I cried about it more than I care to admit.

Then there were times when I forgot about forcing myself to be upset and what do you know… I had a good time.

I was able to see Michael twice throughout the summer. I went to my best friend’s bachelorette in San Luis Obispo and her wedding in Seattle. I went camping with friends. I had a sister weekend in the Black Hills. I celebrated my niece’s first birthday and the Fourth of July with my family at our cabin. I was able to be with my family when my grandpa passed away.

Turns out my summer wasn’t as bad as I let myself believe it was.

It’s much harder to make yourself feel grateful than it is to let yourself feel sad. Feeling grateful is a learned skill, like playing sports or a musical instrument – the more you practice, the better you are. Lately, I have not been practicing gratitude as often as I should, but this time of year always reminds me of all the positive things I have in my life.

10 Things I’m Grateful For

1. My fiance. I love him.
2. My family. My parents, siblings, sisters- and brothers-in-law (current and soon-to-be), niece, and nephew are all spectacular human beings.
3. My friends. Adult friendships can be tricky to maintain and I’m so lucky to have such a solid group of friends, both near and far.
4. My job. It’s both challenging and fun and there is room for me to develop.
5. My health. Obviously I have some health issues, but aside from heart problems I am completely healthy. Things could be much, much worse.
6. My doctors. I have a team of three brilliants female doctors. They are amazing and I trust them completely with my care.
7. Workouts. I can’t do much right now, but I am thankful I can at least do a little bit.
8. Books. With a train commute I have been reading so many books on the Libby app. Favorites in the last few weeks: The Great Believers, Pachinko, and City of Girls.
9. Baking. I haven’t been baking as much as I’d like to and now that it’s baking season I am so motivated and so ready. I can’t wait to whip up some pies for Thanksgiving this week.
10. Travel. I have been on a lot of fun trips recently (the last two: Montreal and New Orleans) and have more planned in the near future. I’m grateful to be able to getaway with friends and explore a new cities.

There are also so many small things throughout the day that make me grateful – a hot cup of morning coffee, hitting the train at just the right time, a flawless Excel spreadsheet, discovering a delicious new recipe, a Snapchat of my niece or nephew, game nights with friends, etc..

When I think of these things I’m reminded that I actually have a very comfortable and beautiful life. Then I feel like a jerk for even complaining and being ungrateful in the first place! Sure, some bad things have happened to me, but I have wonderful friends and family to support me through it all. Given the choice, I would take all of them over a perfectly working heart.

What are you grateful for?

Happy Thanksgiving!

With all of that said, I hope you have a very happy Thanksgiving. I hope you are able to spend the day with people you love and indulge in some delicious food and wine. I hope that you feel especially thankful for every single good thing in your life! Let’s all do a better job at practicing gratitude.